Are you a Chess addict?

November 7, 2006

Hi, my name is Daniel, and I’m a Chess addict…

From ChessPatzer I was directed to this list, sure signs of being a chess addict. If you answer yes to these questions, run to your nearest Chess Club, or log on to your favorite online chess site….

You know you are a chess addict if:

  • you bump into someone or something and say J’adoube.
  • you set up a chess set with salt and pepper shakers and food items when you sit at a checkered tablecloth.
  • you calculate 8×8 faster than 7×7
  • you have more chess clocks than watches
  • you buy the biggest, fastest, most expensive computer just to play chess on it or use it as a database
  • mate, mating positions, exposed bishops, and forking the queen have nothing to do with sex
  • you take a chess set and book to the bathroom, and forget to go to the bathroom
  • you meet someone, your first question is, “What’s your rating?”
  • every week you downloaded every game from The Week in Chess, in ChessBase 6, ChessBase, and PGN format
  • you buy a newspaper only if it has a chess column in it
  • you still think Bobby Fischer is a hero, despite his radio interviews and his 9/11 comments, who will come back the the U.S. and take on the rest of the world again.
  • you have more chess books than any other book or magazine combined
  • the Olympics are every two years
  • you spot the chessboard set up wrong in every movie with a chess scene
  • you who know exactly what James Bond movie the above scene was taken from
  • you name any of your pets Fischer, Tal, Karpov, Kasparov, Fritz, Chess (not Checkers) or Alekhine
  • your favorite movie is “Searching for Bobby Fischer” or “The Luzhin Defense”
  • you have checkered underwear with “It’s your move” on the front
  • you have fantasies of mating one of the Polgar sisters or (that’s checkmating)
  • have a crush on Irina Krush
  • your favorite snack is Pepperidge Farm’s Chessmen cookies
  • you have the 2003 International Chess Calendar hanging up in front of you with your name on one of the calendar dates
  • you have the “Chessplayers make better mates” bumper sticker on your car or briefcase
  • you know what BCO, ECO, MCO, NCO, PCO all mean and have all these books
  • you ask girl if she plays chess before you ask her out for a date
  • you end your letters and email with “P.S. 1.P-K4 (or 1.e4)” hoping to start a game
  • you drop everything and quickly spin around if you hear someone say, “Hi, Bobby” at a chess tournament
  • you take a test, and 5 minutes before you run out of time, you mentally tell yourself that your flag is about to fall
  • you have your name on a brick in front of the Chess Hall of Fame
  • you go to any Barnes and Noble in the world and know exactly where all the chess books are located
  • you reply to messages found on
  • you post new messages looking for your only friends on
  • when the cashier says, “Check?” you wink and say “mate”
  • you have a chess logo on your letterhead or shirt
  • tries to play cards blindfolded
  • wants the child’s nursery to have black and white squares
  • uses chessboard cufflinks and tie clips
  • only time voted was in the USCF election
  • has a chess mug for coffee
  • a Bishop scandal is someone who puts his Bishop on the wrong colored diagonal
  • fantasizes of also beating Mr Spock in 3-D chess
  • still thinks Kasparov is world champion and has always been world champion since beating Karpov in 1985
  • going to a chess tournament and can’t wait in saying “Look at those chess nuts boasting by an open foyer.”
  • looks for three other friends to play bug-house
  • have used any of these aliases while on the Internet: Buttvinik, Caissa, Gata, Bobby Fischer, IvanCheck, Polgar, Jadoube, Kapablanca, KnightStalker, KibitzandBlitz, KnightRider, Pawnographer, Philidork, Queenforker, Rookie Player, Roy Lopez, TarraschCan, Zukertort, KillerMate
  • you have played the ghost of Geza Maroczy
  • you own a Harry Potter or Civil War chess set
  • you played in chess tournaments all year long and have almost made $1,000 (but you spent $2,000 earning that)
  • you have read all of this.geovisit(); <img src=”; alt=”setstats” border=”0″ width=”1″ height=”1″> 1
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